Who am I ?

This is the story of my life . Since childhood, I have always wondered about "Who am I? What do I actually want? ", from life, from people, from myself and from god. I still haven't found the answer to this question, however, I believe that the path towards it is clearly visible to me now. Here it goes :

A gift of god, my mom said,

born to win and bring solace.

Sparkling eyes and tiny hands,

brimmed with courage to change the man.

He cried  He laughed , He crawled and walked,

carried with him, the winds of change and chariots of fire.

The sooner he grew, the faster they died,

the rising star just couldn't rise.

He asked his mom, the meaning of his name,

was filled with insigificance, no answer she had.

No paucity of reasons, to believe in the hidden,

he grew up in dark, with a world within.

In the mirror he saw, a replica of body, not the soul,

screamed aloud, "Who am I" ?

Life seemed sober, till he kept running,

he stopped, poured wine into life and felt the pain.

Trust, Hope , Love and War,

all he saw as a blessing in disguise, to find the path of eternal sunshine.

He changed his rules, and walked with the crowd,

Alas!, lost his identity, purged his mind.

A girl came in , to find her purpose,

he got his own, in the smile so divine.

Blindfolded he was treading the path,

dream shattered, he was at the start.

Disowned feelings and a somber heart,

he whispered in sleep, " Who am I ? "

To be continued...

A thought to remember

It is 1:56 AM, 29th December 2008. I wake up from my bed, not from the sleep though.A sense of urgency kicks in to explore what really lies inside me. I take my Ipod, a pack of ciggarettes, a lighter, my cell phone, a cap and my laptop, and just go out of my room searching for a place that forces me to think , what this world and I are made up of.I head straight to the terrace , in the sea of the unknown,oblivious yet so pure enviroment. I look up to the stars shining bright enough to make me feel guilty of the darkness inside me. A song playing on my Ipod whispers in my ears and says , " I am your truth". My innser selfish soul does not believe it as it has nothing so pleasurely to offer. I then lit up a smoke to subdue the selfish motives I have. I observe the smoke and the path it takes. It seems like it is going straight to those very stars. I look up to them again , and I see a canvas of my deeds, my feelings, my life in the sky holding those stars. I try to see something less disturbing, but all I see is the faces of people I love the most. And, I start talking to them, discuss with them that they are also made of the same matter as me. I pull out my cell phone, message a weird text to all of those. Why I am doing this? What am I doing ? I do not know. I feel like staying here forever. I do not want this night to end. I want to listen to everything it has to say.Yes, it is saying something. I try to listen:

"Whereever I stay, anywhere on the earth a thought stays with me. It had been stuck to my heart for long, a picture so vague which I never had a chance to see.I never stay happy with anything that lives, I keep asking my soul to believe that there is something which is hidden from my eyes, from this world: a feeling, a sense,a thought. I have always held my past so near to my heart, that nothing else ever had the chance to live there. I always loved the way I was, I never tried to change.However, ability to change is what the most precious thing I possess. It is the only thing that has made me love so many people. Change is the sole factor responsible for fighting through all the bad times my mind and heart have come accross. It is the only thought that keeps me going to know myself better. A day without change in my life, would erase all the happiness I have felt ever. Why do I wish the change to happen , and why do I become the same again , even after the change takes place? I should look for the answer. It would not only heal me, but would cleansen the soul I believe is tarnished and is not as good as I want it to be."

I am feeling cold. I wish I had my jacket. I light up another smoke, and another , and another. I repeat the same song again and again. I feel blessed. I feel like crying. I feel her in me. I feel the breeze, I miss the god. I know he is here. I change. I think. I want to sleep. I go back. I write this blog. I sleep.

Recession-Alien

Bangalore, 17th December 2008 - As one of the aftermaths of the sub-prime crisis in the US and the dilapidating world economy, some weird creatures called 'Recession-Aliens' have been spotted in the town.There was a chaos in several parts of Bangalore on Saturday, when huge groups of 'Recession-Aliens' came out on streets and innocously brain-washed the employees of several organisations. As a social initiative, I present before you the anatomy such people and the do's and dont's if you come across one of them.

1. Recession-Aliens (RA), are generally found in small groups, in a dingy corner of the cafeteria , or around the cubicle of their fellow RA, or even in the rest-rooms. They usually talk about the woes of the falling economy, news of their friends from other organisations being fired or some plain confident predictions about the number of people to be laid-off from their workplace and some so-called inside confidential information.

2. When he is alone, he sneaks into Naukri.com or other job portals every 5 mins, after confirming that his manager is not around. He may also be found taking interviews on phone, in the conference rooms after office hours.

3. He effortlessly convinces people , about not taking them for a treat on his birthday, with some newly born recession cliches like ' Recession ka time hai yaar, kis baat ki party'. 

4. A Recession-Alien, when found outside the office with  his friends from other organisations, boasts about his company not being hit by the recession or the bad economy as ' We are from a different domain , you know!! . We aren't affected much by this.'.

5. You will see a sharp increase in the performance, punctuality and effiency of a Recession-Alein from the past few months, as he is highly petrified from being laid-off pretty soon.

6. Last, but not the least, BEWARE!! - Your manager could be a Recession-Alien too .

"It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going." So Do's and Dont's are for you to decide.

Mumbai Blasts( 26th November) Helpline Numbers

In the midst of this mayhem, we should help the victims and their relatives in any way we can. Here are some of the helpline numbers and Hospital contacts :

The Ministry of External Affairs has set up a control room. The phone numbers are: 91-11-23015300, 23012113, 23013537.

The fax number is 91-11-23018158.

Taj helpline numbers: 022 - 66574322, 66574372, 1800111825. Oberoi helpline number: 011-23890606

Helpline Numbers:

91-11-2389 0606 ( Mumbai Help Hotline )

0207 632 3035 ( For Indains in UK)

0207 008 0000 ( Brittish Foreign Office)

Hospital Contacts : 

Blood needed at these places urgently :

Donate Blood/Looking for Blood -922 222 1947 

JJ Hospital +91 22 23739031 

St George's Hospital - +91 22 22620240

I will keep posting other important information. Please pray for those dead , may their soul rest in peace. 

I can't stop falling for you !!

When I saw you first, couldn't believe my eyes
In the midst of the crowd, you stood alone
playing with the tress, the one on your face
Dressed in red, you killed me sweet
I fell for you, with no thoughts beneath
The first tryst, with a shared maggi
still embedded in my heart, with a golden spoon
The coveted seat in the lecture hall, people teasing us n all
I still can't stop thinking of you,
I can't stop falling for you...

When I saw you next, it felt like a dream
you came with a smile, cherubic I say
Fear struck, when I had 'no milk'
people laughed, I smile within
The care for me, with love besides
touched my soul, I cried nights
We met in the dark, the corridor's luck
people frowned, we continued
Exams struck, we sat alone
miles to walk, library was near
all said, still unsaid
still can't stop looking at you,
I can't stop falling for you.

When I see you now, I feel like a prince
you love me so, the sky wonders
I try to fall, still hang in peace
standing by my side, you hold me there
A hug too warm, makes me cry,
a kiss on cheek, glitters in the eye
Tiffs umpteen, don't ruin the hope
to bring me back, your smile's all
I realize your trust, not meant to be broken
I still can't stop living with you
I just can't stop falling for you...

Book Review - Dead Beautiful Truth

"Self-enlightenment is just around the corner. Go search for it."
The search stops here. 'Dead Beautiful Truth' , brings it you ,in a terse manner and within hours of reading it. A story that belongs to us, every individual, who is searching for his aim and purpose of life. One lives through the chapters and dies with an ultimate truth of life. The story is highly unpredictable throughout, presenting a hallucinating journey of astral travels ( the after affects of a drug dose) which leaves you flabbergasted as it ends. One can easily identify with the characters and the situations presented.

DBT is based upon a strong and a 'reality' theory called " Theory of Competition and Stakes" , researched and formulated by the authors Varun and Adesh.It is a story based on a diary written by a teenager called 'Fi', a person who's ultimate aim is to discover the reason behind this life.Fi, a drug addicted teenager, who is just back from the rehabilitation center, falls into it all over again due to his recidivist tendency. He wants to experience the reason and energy behind everything, to an extent that death seems to be better than life to him. Fi believes that every event in this world , every minute action and behavior of human beings is based upon a 'stake' for which they are 'competing'. He believes that a LSD trip cannot get him into a 'out-of-body experience', until he really experiences it. Fi's astral travel experience takes him into the body of the central character of this novel,' Scorpio'. Fi, keeps switching in and out of Scorpio's body and lives through Scorpio's experiences. This character makes you believe that there is a life beyond death and it is far far beautiful and unimaginable than this life.His story takes you to a mystery ride with a tinge of selflessness , which leaves you in a state of illusion or may be hallucination. The kind of world that Scorpio lives in, is as intricate as your brain and is so well described, that the reader wishes to live the life his way, at the end of the novel. Scorpio, works for a mystic personality called 'God', who's silence and beliefs may terrify the reader initially, but it gradually gets imbibed in you , that this is the way life is and the truth lies in front of you. 'Plot' and 'J', again, are two cryptic characters used beautifully by the authors to glue the chapters and the episodes.
DBT has umpteen surprises and U-turns in the box for the readers, to remain glued till the end.The story is tightly coupled with the characters and ineffably presented , surpassing your expectations and intuitions of what would happen next. The hard-to-be-believed-truth, that the story reveals would stick to your mind, heart and soul. It presents a truth that every individual may know, but is far away from even acknowledging it , due to the sheer fear of 'DEATH'. The end leaves you perplexed about the existence of God and the aim of this Life, and an urge to discover it.The authors believe that people who need the answer to the following questions, may fall in love with the stuff written.

"What is the ultimate aim of my life? ", "What do i have to accomplish in my life ?", "Why i hate or love anything ?", "What am i doing here?", "What is mind and my perception?", "Why do i do things and take decisions?", "Am i free or there is a destiny for me?"...

PS: It is a publication of our venture www.iwishedlife.com. Feel free to visit it , if you have any queries regarding the novel or the Life you are leading :)

We are also distributing the novel on our own, with an initial discount offer. Feel free to contact for ordering.

Feedbacks are welcome.

Contact :

Varun Sharma :9886162012 Email : varun@iwishedlife.com
Anshul Khandelwal : 9971001670 Email : anshul@iwishedlife.com
Udit Khandelwal : 9900482501 Email : udit@iwishedlife.com
Adesh Oberoi : 9216534156 Email : adesh@iwishedlife.com


More Reviews :

I cannot explain what this novel is, rather i should say, i would not have been able to do so, but thanks to dead beautiful trurth! It was, and it continues to be an experience to write it. what i got from this experience is a sheer reality, that changed my life. Now it doesn't matter whether i live or die, i know the truth, the dead beautiful truth. The novel, with its story, is a call to all to understand life.
Choice of trial lies in your court!
- the soul of the authors

Dead Beautiful Truth is pure allegory?a mystical adventure in astral travel, hallucination, and imagination. One should be in a quiet place to appreciate its nuances.
- Ronald L. Donaghe, Author of Twilight of the Gods

The only novel i have read till date, which taught me something, without even trying to do so. i lived through its chapters and i died with the truth! A truth, yes it is!
- the first ever reader

I am alone again!!

Keys are being struck at 2:32 AM, at a place where umpteen boxes with a logic inside, are sitting in silence.Among them, is this little unlucky box and this shining wide screen , which is just taking my weirdo thoughts as input and displaying them in these array of pearls which you are reading at the moment. These fellows must have never imagined, that they will need to do the excruciating logical calculations at such wee hours of morning.. Yes.. they need some sleep too.. after all they go in a hibernation mode too.. aren't they cold-blooded animals ? :)

But, there is one thing ,hierarchically and biologically ahead of them, which will not let them even sense the feeling of loneliness.. That is this little human being who is busy sipping a cuppa koffee and giving some pain in the *** to the tiny silicon chip in this stupid box. And, there is a label to each one of those human beings, my being 'Anshul'. So here I go, telling you something about myself, and you would probably get to know ,why the hell am here in office :

I live in seconds. So, I live my day in 86400 different states of mind and mood. Every mood, every thought of mine, every state of my mind is solely governed by those little droplets of experiences, brought about by the people around me and those vibes in the air. I can be in innumerable states at a time. I just don't know which physics principle I violate, but my energy and momentum are not constant. I can seek love from you, and love you, no matter how deeply or not-so deeply connected are we. I would let my mind move at a pace, that my heart lags behind and falls apart. I extract the soul out of things and then let them go. Life seems to be granules of dust to me,and if each one of them is made a diamond , my soul would love to be embellished by them.Dependency injection has no place in my unruly life, wherein I am so misbehaved that I would knowingly bully my soul and make it dirty. Love finds the first index in the array of my emotions, to an extent that I pour out my weeds of frustration to the one, I am in love with. My mind rules my heart, still the latter is the conquerer of many other hearts :).. The reason why I reason things, is i am too dumb to understand them.I let go things that matter to me a lot ,so easily at times, and fasten my soul to some stupid pillars of failures at times. This was a bit of me, in a state of pouring my feelings out, at this moment.

My bay is illuminated again, as the office boys are on their job of cleaning the mess , the other human species of this organization left behind. And, alas!! my state flips to be a helping person and so, I am going to help these guys out in making this place of stupid boxes clean!!

Gudnite people..oops.. Gud Morning!!

If only I could DIE!!

If only LIFE could see the tears, in the WORLD all around,
which lays straight, full of hounds and weeds,
snatching from us the pearls of joy, injecting in us the colors of doom.
If only I could 'not LIVE'.

DEATH sees through your eyes, moistens the lids,
doesn't let the tear flow,says it is precious enough.
Picks up a few(men) from the wrathful WORLD,
divine DEATH is, and colorful enough,
embellishes the body with a sense of touch.
It injects out the trash in body,
fills it with recipe of heavenly love.
If only I could DIE!!


If only LIFE could heal the dirty SOUL,
which muffles the feel, the touch, the life with thought.
Rules the mind, not letting it love the coveted heart,
creates a line between the two,
and then saying the mind flinches away from heart.
If only I could 'not LIVE'.

It cleanses the SOUL,
makes it shine with a droplet of life.
Lets the soul feel th touch and live the life,
asks the heart to love the mind.
If only I could DIE!!


If only LIFE could let free the BODY,
which is fettered in shackles, and crying in pain.
Movement restricted, places limited,
loves to fly , but drags on plains.
If only I could 'not LIVE'.

DEATH frees the BODY,
lets it fly, go places and play the game; the game of LIFE!!
Lightens the body, parts ceased,
just the cleansed soul and eyes to see.
Power unlimited, gets th body,
can rule the world, because it is the power of DEATH.
If only I could DIE, If only I could DIE!!


Love,
Anshul

We are same same but different!!!

Similar lines are drawn,
painted in a different manner..
Treasure is locked amidst,
numerous keys exist..
One power rules the self,
the soul's demeanor is amiss
We are same same but different!!

Love rules our way,
search for it, hiding in the mist
Beads of passion are found in abundance,
bodies are embellished with a necklace..
Layers of ego spread across,
peel the talks, it covers the fence..
We are same same but different!!

Strolling bodies fast enough ,
wheels underneath roll not same..
Umpteen thoughts are killing softly,
one may die, one may exist..
Everybody is losing hard,
money, love, smile or life..
We are same same but different !!

Nothing touches perfection,
wishes forcing the needs to want it..
Splurging money is flooding the arena,
divided in a manner, intricate by means..
Power eyed upon for a millennium span,
impact will vary from mild to disastrous..
Yet we are same same but different!!

Love,
Anshul

Thats the vacuum in my LIFE !!

Feelings are lost, Vigor is dead
I lay there straight, stitched by threads
Day is short, nights seem long
Trudging life , Ends the song
Pallid stars, life is blue
Soul shrieks, but that is true
..thats the vacuum in my life

Keys are struck, but result is void
Mind jiggles, expression devoid
Books lay open, no reader to read
Words scribbled, no meaning they lead
Lights glare, eyes flinch
Divulging spirits, hard they pinch
.... thats the vacuum in my life

Love prevails, liaisons curtailed
Senses so strong, the manner derailed
Unearthly touch, bodies dispel
Whispers so sensuous, no time to tell
Trysts which titillate, places vanished
Time no bar, 'The MAN' banished
.... thats the vacuum in my life

Expectations so high, no courage to face
Plenty to do, mind hooked with a lace
Achievements are many, habit evades
Knowledge brims, desires pervade
Talent enough, determination on crutches
Anxious heart, situation blushes
.... thats the vacuum in my life

Mates so sweet, ego sours
Eyes shine, but a tear which pours
Nature benign, life departs
Lots to see, things apart
Healthy body, but in the form of corpse
Water spills, in the form of drops
... thats the vacuum in my life

The Mirage called Life!!!

Mirage – It may be an illusion of water, in the desert, for a deer. But it is an illusion of life for human beings. We human beings as mere conglomeration of some body parts (akin to the spare parts of a machine), are under the constant hallucination and illusion of life in our minds. Life is a labyrinth of self-created emotions, unwanted happenings and unrestrained indulgences. It is this life, which some of us want to win over. It is this life, which most of us want to be long enough. It is this life which everyone wants to live and experience. But alas, it is the same life which none of us has actually understood and realized what it is meant for.

Apart from being the biological phenomenon of a beating heart, a working brain and functioning body parts, there is much more required to induce life in these deadpan human beings. Life that we live is just a far-fetched illusion of being happy, contented and healthy.

Life essentially means the same to each one of us; and it is solely governed by nothing other than achieving self-establishment, self-respect and umpteen other selfish motives. People say, a mother’s love for her child is consecrated and pure, but it is for her happiness and self, she loves her child. A devotee to god may be void of all the materialistic desires, but it is for his self and satisfaction, he worships god. Hence, it is you; you live your life for. That is the power of LIFE, which has such an aura and such a deep-rooted sense of needs and wants associated with it, that even god may seem to be in the fit of hallucination, once he comes down to his self-created earth. But god being intelligent and potent enough is exploiting human beings for his own purpose, which is to discover the true meaning and essence of LIFE!!!

It is the stones, the pillars, the sand, and the rivers. It is the mountains, the lanes, the water and the rains, not me and you, who know the true meaning of life. It is them, who have never complained, it is them who have never cried. It is the myriad non-living things in this nature, which we say are devoid of life, who have never departed from this beautiful thing called LIFE. They have never been in such a quandary, where the human beings and god have always been; and have always found it difficult to set free. They have never extracted the soul out of life, for their own self. Far and above from the spiritualities and the materialism and illusion, they have been witnessing and experiencing the color of life for ages.

It should be them who should be awarded the “LIFE TIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD ‘, not the vacuous homo sapiens and the unintelligible supremo, the GOD. Hence, try and live the life like them, and you would soon be out of this mirage called LIFE.

Silence!!

Hi guys.. m back with my uncultivated thoughts and eccentric views..Its 3:41 PM..I am sitting in front of my PC at my desk.. Elton John is busy "SACRIFICE-ing" on the speakers..I have never talked and soliloquized like this ever before.. m loving this loneliness..this silence.. the peace..
I have always loved darkness, the loneliness in a serene atmosphere like this.. the feeling of having someone so close to my heart..but far away..swimming in this ocean of heart felt love and care for people around me..

I took the MOCK-CAT-10 this morning..screwed it up big time..still m at so much peace rite now..you knw why..'coz there is noone around me who is battling hard with himself to gain that ephemeral happiness and soothe his inner self..the inanimate PC's are lying here in wait of there owners to hit the keys soon..there is an air of anticipation around..but nothing is at stake..so the volume of adrenalin in this room is just enough to make me feel on the top of this world..

Every single word of any song that is playing...fills the air around me with so much love, faith, hope...it says live the life this way..like i am..not the way you live..let your mind and heart submerge in the this gift of god..and then would feel the calm, the inner-satisfaction..

What if I never go home..? What if I don't study ? What if I don't talk to people ? Can I ?
YES!! I can..and with no severe consequences on my mind and heart.. You knw what..World's 100 % democratic place is where ? Its inside you..where there is no one to stop your senses, your mind, your heart.. they are the mist lucky ones to live there share of life.. but its your soul that doesn't let them do so.. It is so much ingrained in its pursuit to achieve NIRAVANA.. which it never can..until it lets them breathe freely.. What you ought to do is..

Let this SILENCE build up the horizon..from where your mind, body , heart and soul can look up to the soul.. and say..that they are free and devoid of everything.. and then your soul will condescend upon them..and be in peace forever...

Lost!!

Lost in the memories.. lost in the world.. lost in her.. lost in my mind.. lost in air.. lost in dad.. lost in office.. lost in exams.. lost while talking..lost while sleeping..LOST when I am lost..

Thats all I am..LOST..
The search began in 1986 and has still not reached to an end..I kept searching for the rite thing that keeps me consistent..contended..something that can cure me..my mind..but in this dense and gloomy world of my fantasies, I revolved around the pillar of life so many times..that i am not able to identify the start and the end of my actions..my behavior, my words and above all my THOUGHTS..

I believe I THINK a lot..She says she THINKS a lot..Dad says , " You need to THINK SON!!"..Mum says, " At least THINK about US".. Bro says " Let me THINK my way".. God THINKS he has already thought about everything that going to happen...Is it so..?? .. I am lost in this world..try thinking that you are alone in this world..there is nobody around..you are the only person left on this planet..now try to THINK.. What happened..feels weird..rite..Why ?
Because you are LOST.. This life and this world is a puzzle, having myriad pieces..with innumerable number of feelings and situations in them..But they are scattered.. we need to collect them.. but we cant..we are LOST.. we don't know the way, to affix them.. had anyone of us known that.. he would have known his future..What we can do is , just garner as many pieces of puzzles and try living in the situations contained by that puzzle with feelings associated with it..

Then you will find the way.. he moment you try to get out of a piece and look for the next.. you are LOST.. Life is a SEARCH.. search of those rite pieces among the umpteen useless ones..
However, the search doesn't end here.. You need to dive and explore that piece.. you need to amalgamate with the feelings inside it.. and then you'll realize.. life really is beautiful with a dynamic base which YOU can change..according to you as you want..All you need is:

BELIEF, OPENNESS, a complex MIND, an EXPLORING personality.. and if you search for any of these in you.. you will find it the next moment..so..lets EXPLORE!!

Join me..

Re-lation-Ship

Who the hell do you think you are ?..
Go to hell...
Kuch nahi..
I dont want to talk to you..

That was the conversation between me and my soul..

This is all a relationship is all about..the more you expect..the more you are bogged down in the 'Sargasso Sea' of irritation and frustration..Implications of the over-passionate and possesive attitude unveiled soon and I found myself lying down..with a heavy mind, body , heart and soul..
I used to teach people..instead I used to preach this to ppl.." Get rid of your expectations from life, God , parents, friends, ppl.. and you will find no reason to cry over..life will seem beautiful , as it definitely is.."..

But ALAS!! .. I was the first one who fell prey to it..Life has been like the "BSE-Sensex" since then..
Sudden upsurges of weird but nice feelings..instant downfall of the mental map..gratified and contented from outside..and equally devastated and frustrated from inside.. gawdd..is this what I always used to dream of.. is this what I needed ? ..certainly not..

So, what can I do about it..
My soul - Get rid of every responsibility, free yourself from obligations..meditate..spiritualize..react..enlighten..but how ? , I said..

Me - Shall I dematerialize myself.. the process would take long..but will certainly take me away from the intrications of this painful life..LIVE and let LIVE..but what about my alter-ego.. it doesnt allow me to do so..it shouts out loud every moment and is the only reason I land up in trouble..

My Soul - You are not responsible for any body's happiness..you are here to be happy and the people around you will absorb the positive vibes in you..you ought to live to the fullest.. let no feeling of any sort. ruin your mental-map.. GROW..EVOLVE.MATURE..

Me- But how...the only way I can do this is.. DONT EXPECT... and thats what I do the most.. How not to EXPECT.. How to ignore.. How to hate people.. How do I cut myself apart from this institution called 'LOVE'...


My Soul - Its unreal..its a hallucination... you built it.. it doesn't exist.. THINK..ANALYZE...RETROSPECT.. what did you get from it... nothing.. leave aside the joy.. but did you evolve...no.. u didnt.. u are not the fittest among all.. you cannot SUSTAIN.. you have to die...

Thats how I died , but I am still there in the minds and hearts of people I expected from... but I am happy now.. as I EVOLVED...

Loneliness...naah...love prevails..

Akon said it with his ineffable and impeccable style of presentation ,how lonely was he with his song "Lonely" time n again on NITE MIX(9-12 PM)..n I heard it with soo much compassion everytime..but never did the world seemed so desolute to me and never did i articulate it to the masses..But believe me,it is the contenment and my eccentric attitude towards the god's gift called "LIFE" ,that allows me to nurture my mind and inner self.I believe,that we must never allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and a Mystery..

This was recently added to my so called "stupid beliefs"..It means that we must not renounce upon the beautiful facts and experiences of life,but should devote some of our,(again) so-called precious time to enlighten ourselves..Come on people..Race against urself than competing against others..I have experienced the beauty of peace and solitude through a (again) so-called 'Realationship' which departed from trust and love in such a manner that i was left out standing on the tip of an Iceberg which could melt anytime..But it was my faith and belief that rekindled the fire and a new,sweet though a bit strange and obscure..but still a realtionship beautiful in every sense was born..Thanks a lot to her..a girl called...leave it..she'll kill me...

JADED-PART 2

Yo!! So i am back ppl...lets continue my xxtra-boring story..with "Deep's Fitness Club" as the lead character this time...Scene 2..Take 2..ACTION..

Deep's Fitness Club- I had just come home after a joy-ride on my pale blue dilapidated LML Vespa, with a few friends of mine. To be true, honest and precise..the FEW equals 3..making a total of 4 including me at the driver's seat..and the varieties were..1 small,2 medium and 1 extra-large 'HOMOSAPIEN' on a 23-old LML vespa which could barely sustain a single body's weight..I thought it was too much fun, but there was much more waiting for me at home.. 5 xtra small in size, but extremely puckish and unruly creatures, nick-named- 'Raja', 'Cheeku', 'Nikku' , 'Akshu' and 'Tuktuk'..Whoops!! i believed i love kids..and i still stand by my belief, but those 5 innocent-faced kids were the bombshells and the missiles, Indian government was looking for.. Those kids could bump into anybody and blast off his eardrums with their boisterous laughter, shrills and 'MUMMY-PAPA' calls..They vexed me to the extent that i went berserk and dragged the largest of them (akshu) out of the room..and the other 3 sizes of the 'cute-little' boorish kids ran away themselves on seeing the 'CHANDAAL' roop of their MAMA..their very own and loved ANKIT MAMA..(dats me!!)..You must be wondering where does the fitness club actually fit-in here.what could i do yaar..couldn't resist telling about the kids..i love them..hmmm..so..fitness club..

I switched on the TV, changed the channel to '97', with a remote which has barely visible keypad..97-STAR WORLD..It was time for F.R.I.E.N.D.S..But i think it was not my day..All i could witness was 'Matt de Blanc' and 'David Schwimmer' i.e 'Joey' and 'Ross', guzzling down milk from a bottle fitted with a nipple..and the milk was not the ordinary one..it was 'BREAST MILK'..puky..haan..check out the second season again..u'll find out..
So that was the end of the much awaited and the only good thing i used to watch..Then started the xtra-pompus and bombastic , yet the most feminine and jerky talk show.."KOFEE WITH KARAN"..go to hell..yaar..i 'll better grab a cup of coffee with a chick( "pyaar ke side effects" !!).. our very own karan, the best of both the sexes, fired at hrithik roshan..the guest that night.."Hrithik..women went mad after you in DHOOM-2 and their boyfriends felt insecure and offended..what do you want to say to their insecure-lovers.." He fired back.."GO HIT THE GYM!!!"..

So thats where my pre-existing but shy muscles shrieked out.."Go you damn lousy and indolent fellow.."..I bought a pair of gloves that evening and moved on for my first day at the gymming paradise..A huge virile..in fact a mammoth with metal-edged muscles.., walked out and said gruffly- "Ho jayega...200 rs per month!!"..I reassured myself by asking the fee again..200 ?? He said.."YES!!".. Now thats why i think..damn..i shud have taken a job here in kota..30000 per month is affluency here..and i need not mention, this mere sum would leave me on the edged of penury in noida..if i happen to get a 2-BHK flat for 16000/-...like piyush..I was elated and soon started the "Dumbell Flies" with 5 Kg extra weight on them..The thought that this gruelling effort

JADED...

"Dyspepsia", "07442504685", "Deep's Fitness Club", "The Prometheus Deception", "Fundamentals of Quantitative Aptitude Part-2", "A"..

BEMUSED ?? Chillax.. These seemingly weird and unrelated words represent a piecewise and a overabriged report of my stay at home from 2nd June 2007 to '______July 2007" (Let it be blank, and pray for me that the value that fills this is less than or equal to the square root of the LCM(4*5,8*5*10). Let’s elucidate upon these bizarre keywords or rather the penultimate bastions of my 'BOREDOM'. If you ask me two words that best describe my life from 2nd June 2007 to '_________ July 2007' (plzz...less than or equal to 5!/3!) are :

"INEFFABLY JADED".

Here I (i don’t believe in aggrandizing my SELF, so its 'i' not 'I') go..

'DYSPEPSIA'- It was my pleasure that it was introduced to this strange sounding word , which has a 'BIG BRAND', endorsed by many, in its name (PEPSI!!),by my very own DAD. But little did i anticipate that the 'DYS'and 'IA' at the end of this BRAND-0-philic word would affect my life so much. I had been honored by a place called 'LOO' (which i rarely visited uninterestingly before !) or rather awarded. a full-fledged package which includes '3-4' luxury visits, '3-4' spoons of a so-called 'ELIXIR' (as the doc said) which seems to be very indifferent towards me, and '8-9' sweet miniscule tablets which had a curing-effect similar to their size. So a visit to this very holy place was scheduled for me after every dose of my 'life-saving', mineral-rich diet which included 'Dalia', "Khichdi' and 'CURD'(without salt and pepper).

To prevent making this part of my experience emetic and soporific, lets move on to the next milestone '07442504685...

'07442504685'- Dont worry its not my Swiss Bank Account password!! These 11 magical digits form the username of my ultra-fast 'DIAL-UP INTERNET' from BSNL..and the password which is much 'COVETED' by many of my friends and family members too..A ray of hope emerged from the low lying horizon of my life..that this would serve as an 'ANTI-ENNUI' drug for me.. But alas!! and to nobody's surprise, it was soon notified to me in the form of a dialog box saying "Password could not be verified or the remote server is not responding !!".. I also don't respond to such messages thrown away at me and at the bubble at the bottom right corner indicating a mere '4.8 KBPS'.. I go through the 'lovely-pics' of my ex-female-classmates 10! times till the status bar starts showing.. "Waiting for reply...www.orkut.com found!! " PHEWW!!

Rest of the seemingly interesting words should be vieled till tommorow..don't forget to check them out!!

Java Tiger-Roars really hard!!

Hi all, So lets start out techo campaign(code named-COLGATE ha ha).. Lets start with an intro to Java Tiger..We will discuss about the new features in this session and in deatil in subsequent sessions..So GET,SET,GO... Java Tiger (Java SE 5.0) Probably this is the biggest and the most visible realease of Java.Lets look into how Java evolved wrt the Language changes.

1. JDK 1.0
Initial Language,Very Popular.

2. JDK 1.1
Inner Classes,newer model

3. JDK 1.2,1.3
No changes at language level

4. JDK 1.4
Assertions(Minor laguage change)

5. JDK 1.5
Biggest changes to language since JDK 1.0

The J2SE 5.0 release is focused along certain key themes:

• Ease of Development
• Scalability and Performance
• Monitoring and Manageability
• Desktop Client

Seven Major New features introduced in Tiger are:

1.Generics
2.Autoboxing/Unboxing
3.Enhanced FOR Loop("foreach)
4.Type-Safe Enumerations.
5.Varargs.
6.Static Import.
7.Meta Data(annotations..its really kewl!!)

We will discuss in detail about each one of the above,after I read about them in detail..ha ha...bye for now..
Enjoy JAVA!!

Regards,
Anshul Khandelwal

Java Rules-Part 1.

Hi folks,
Sorry for the procrastinated effort of mine to techo-nize my blog!!

Let me start with a basic comparision of languages..This has nothing to do with Java,but just a vision of a programmer.

	Eiffel	Smalltalk	Ruby	Java	C#	C++
Object-Orientation	Pure	Pure	Pure	Hybrid	Hybrid	Hybrid / Multi-Paradigm
Static / Dynamic Typing	Static	Dynamic	Dynamic	Static	Static	Static
Generic Classes	Yes	N/A	N/A	No	No	Yes
Inheritance	Multiple	Single	Single class, multiple "mixins"	Single class, multiple interfaces	Single class, multiple interfaces	Multiple
Feature Renaming	Yes	No	Yes	No	No	No
Method Overloading	No	No	No	Yes	Yes	Yes
Operator Overloading	Yes	Yes?	Yes	No	Yes	Yes
Higher Order Functions	Agents (with version 5)	Blocks	Blocks	No	No	No
Lexical Closures	Yes (inline agents)	Yes (blocks)	Yes (blocks)	No	No	No
Garbage Collection	Mark and Sweep or Generational	Mark and Sweep or Generational	Mark and Sweep	Mark and Sweep or Generational	Mark and Sweep or Generational	None
Uniform Access	Yes	N/A	Yes	No	No	No
Class Variables / Methods	No	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes
Reflection	Yes (as of version 5)	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	No
Access Control	Selective Export	Protected Data, Public Methods	public, protected, private	public, protected, "package", private	public, protected, private, internal, protected internal	public, protected, private, "friends"
Design by Contract	Yes	No	Add-on	No	No	No
Multithreading	Implementation- Dependent	Implementation- Dependent	Yes	Yes	Yes	Libraries
Regular Expressions	No	No	Built-in	Standard Library	Standard Library	No
Pointer Arithmetic	No	No	No	No	Yes	Yes
Language Integration	C, C++, Java	C	C, C++, Java	C, some C++	All .NET Languages	C, Assembler
Built-In Security	No	No?	Yes	Yes	Yes	No

Till you evaluate the languages,I shall prepare the next articel for this tech session..bbye..

Tech Treat!!

After remaining totally unaquainted(for 3 yrs at TIET) from this very essential part of engineering-TECHNOLOGY....!!
I have now decided to dedicate my blog to carve out some Techno Stuff(god knws from where!!)...So get ready for some bombastic and some real technocrat type stuff(which i also dont understand!!)....

This Week's Theme-JAVA RULES.

Regards,
The Thinker.